DEAR AMY: I am 24 and have never been in a “full” relationship, but I have dated quite a bit. I live in a small rural town, which makes it difficult to meet new people, so I decided to try online matching.
I started talking to a guy who lives an hour away. He traveled to see me a couple of times. He went to South America for a month and we kept in touch. When he returned we went out and things seemed a bit off.
We stopped talking for a few weeks and then started up again. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I thought I had found someone special.
We text often, but when it comes to talking on the phone and Skype, sometimes we can’t make conversation. It’s like we lose the connection the second we part ways and go back to our separate lives.
We have yet to spend more than a day together, let alone experience everyday life with one another. We wonder if we have a connection. We both love everything about each other and we have physical chemistry and similar interests.
I think he is marriage material, but it would be sad if you can’t even make conversation with your significant other at the dinner table. Are we living in a fantasy?
Concerned
DEAR CONCERNED: We live in a semi-virtual world, where relationships start and are expected to thrive online, and for most people it is necessary to spend time together in order to see if a relationship can grow and thrive.
According to accounts in author Daniel Jones’ book “Love Illuminated: Exploring Life’s Most Mystifying Subject (With the Help of 50,000 Strangers)” (2014, William Morrow), many couples your age report that they connect well virtually, but don’t know how to interact when together. In your case, texting conveys a different sort of intimacy than voice and Skype communication. You may feel less vulnerable, exposed or shy when you’re typing.
You live only an hour apart. The only way to determine the extent and importance of your connection is to spend time together. If you don’t mutually want to see one another frequently, then you have your answer — this is not meant to be.
DEAR AMY: I have been going out with my girlfriend for three years. Lately, I have noticed that when it is her “time of the month” she will become angry or get down on herself. The last couple times she got this way I shrugged it off, but a few days ago, she told me that she did not want to eat because she thought that she looked fat, even though she told me she was having headaches because she was so hungry. I offered to get some food for her. She then got angry and stormed off.
Is there anything that I can say or do to persuade her not to be so negative during that time?
A Worried Boyfriend
DEAR WORRIED: Talk about this during a time when your girlfriend seems more like herself. Tell her what you have noticed and ask her if she has made the connection (she might not have).
Your girlfriend might have a severe form of PMS called premenstrual dysphoric disorder. I am not a doctor, but she should definitely see hers.
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