DEAR AMY: I am old and offended by the look of piercings (beyond the ears) and tattoos.
I don’t mind if people want them, I just don’t want to look at them.
When I go to a bank, store or restaurant and the staff has these, I quietly close my accounts or take my business elsewhere.
I just changed veterinarians because the new receptionist had tattoos and a repulsive nose piercing.
My question is, should I disclose the reason I’ve taken my business elsewhere?
Sensitive in Seattle
DEAR SENSITIVE: Your aversion to tattoos and piercings is so strong that you make it sound like you have a phobia. (A phobia is an aversion that ruins your life and controls your choices.)
If you abruptly withdraw your patronage from the bank, restaurant or veterinary practice, you might as well give yourself further satisfaction by revealing the reason. Once the owner/managers learn of your phobia they will be relieved that your departure wasn’t a reflection of the quality of their service.
My overall point is that this is your problem, and you should manage it however you wish. What you can’t do is change the culture.
DEAR AMY: Our son is in his late 20s. He is a successful professional. He is brilliant, good-looking, witty and admired by all. The problem is, he is about 20 pounds overweight and has not visited a doctor for a physical in more than two years. He has not seen a dentist, dermatologist or ophthalmologist.
His last physical showed that his cholesterol is high. With a family history of diabetes and heart problems, my husband and I are concerned. With his permission I have scheduled appointments, which he has canceled, saying he will “make them on his own” when he has the time.
He loves to travel, eats out at any well-rated restaurant he can find and usually eats the most unhealthy item on the menu.
We are a close family but I do not seem to be able to discuss this issue with an otherwise rational individual because he refuses to discuss the matter. Perhaps it is time to back off and let him live his life as he pleases, hoping for the best?
Concerned
DEAR CONCERNED: How do you know your adult son has not visited a doctor, dentist, dermatologist or ophthalmologist in the last two years? He is an adult. His medical records are not available to you, and you say he refuses to discuss the matter.
Your son can look at the mirror and see that he is slightly overweight. He can research any medical topic that worries him and make rational choices regarding his body.
You took good care of your son when he was growing up — and now you should assume he can take care of himself. Even if he can’t — or won’t — take care of himself, “backing off and hoping for the best” is your job from here on out.
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